Eternal Marriage

       As a child, day after day I looked at the picture of the Salt Lake Temple that was hanging on my bedroom wall, and knew that was where I wanted to be married. I wanted to be sealed to my husband for all eternity and have a fairy tale wedding and life.  I did get married in the Salt Lake Temple, but the fairy tale life is a myth.  I now know that adversity happens, no matter what, and we need to work at our marriage and take care of one another continually.

      When my husband and I were sealed in the Salt Lake Temple, we made covenants with each other and with our Heavenly Father. These covenants are the glue that holds our marriage together. We made a covenant to love and cherish each other and to remain faithful to one another. We covenanted to do all we can to make our family and home a safe, successful, spiritual, and happy environment. Elder Bruce C. Hafen says, “Covenant marriage requires a total leap of faith; [a couple] must keep their covenants without knowing what risks that may require of them. They must surrender unconditionally, obeying God and sacrificing for each other.” (1996) 

Elder David A. Bednar tells us that as we keep the covenants that we make in the temple, “we begin to realize the fulfillment that our Heavenly Father desires for His children. Ultimate happiness, which is the very object of the Father’s plan, is received through the making and honoring of eternal marriage covenants.” (2006) Knowing that we can obtain "ultimate happiness" helps me understand how covenant marriage fits into our Father’s Plan of Happiness.

      Elder Hafen talked about three wolves that can test our marriage. The first is natural adversity. In my mind, this wolf creeps in suddenly, takes us by surprise and can devastate our marriage and life if we allow it. When my three-month-old grandson died of SIDS, we were all reeling from the blow. His parents, my daughter and son-in-law, mourned the loss of that precious boy. With heavy hearts and determination to keep everything intact, they moved on, knowing that they will hold their baby again. 

     The second is the wolf of our imperfections. When we feel inadequate, we may not try to keep the covenants we have made. We may feel like it’s no use because we are failures. The Lord will qualify us to do what we need to do. He will strengthen us and our marriage if we keep trying. 

     The third wolf is excessive individualism. I think it’s good to be independent and self-reliant to a certain extent, but when we are a couple, we need to work as a couple, making decisions together that will affect our family unit. We share our lives and become one, each giving 100%.

     The blessings of the temple are immense! Through the covenants we make and keep with God, we will be endowed with power; power to resist temptation, power to receive revelation,and power to be sealed to our spouse and children by the Holy Spirit of Promise. What a blessing and a manifestation of our Heavenly Father's love to us!

References

Hafen, Bruce C., Covenant Marriage, Ensign, (1996) 

Bednar, David A., Marriage Is Essential to His Eternal Plan. (2006). Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/liahona/2006/06/marriage-is-essential-to-his-eternal-plan?lang=eng 

Threat on Marriage

     I am a non-confrontational person. I try to avoid confrontation and contention at all costs. The debate on same-sex marriage is a hot, controversial, and sensitive topic today. While having a conversation about it with an acquaintance, after stating my belief, I was told I was old-fashioned, out-of-touch, and I lack understanding. Therefore, it is a topic I choose not to discuss with others, simply because I know the outcome. Now that I have confessed my cowardice, imagine my chagrin when I read Elder Russell M. Nelson’s words that he spoke to graduating BYU students when he said, “Disciples of the Lord are defenders of marriage, no matter how uncomfortable it might be.” (2014) When confronted, I need to state my beliefs on marriage. I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman. It has been that way since the creation; it makes sense, it is logical, it is God’s plan. 

     I believe that marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God. In Genesis we read, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them. And God blessed them, and God said unto them, be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth…” (Genesis 1: 1, 28) “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife; and they shall be one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24) These verses show that marriage, between a man and a woman, is the basis of creating children. Creating children cannot physically happen if a couple of the same gender marry. Children should be given the chance to have both a mother and a father. The members of the American College of Pediatricians did a study of children being raised in an intact biological family, vs children being raised by a mother or a father in a same-sex relationship. The results showed that children being raised by both a mother and a father did much better socially, academically, financially, and emotionally. The study determines that “both mothers and fathers play crucial and qualitatively different roles in the socialization of the child.” (2013)

     In the Supreme Court case of Obergefell va Hodges, same-sex marriage was legalized in all fifty states and surrounding territories because five of the nine Justices voted it to be so. The four Justices in the Supreme Court who dissented, expressed concern that legalizing same-sex marriage would impinge on religious freedom and the family. They also stated that judicial overreach brings a threat to American democracy, the Constitution, and society (2015).

     Yes, I believe marriage should be between a man and a woman. I show respect to those who have differing opinions and life-styles, but I cannot back down. Elder Nelson stated, “As disciples of the Lord you will stand as defenders of marriage. And as you are true and faithful, not only will He help you and protect you, He will bless your families." (2014)

References:

1. Nelson, Russell M. (2014 August 14) Disciples of Jesus Christ – Defenders of Marriage Retrieved from https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/russell-m-nelson_disciples-jesus-christ-defenders-of-marriage/

2. American College of Pediatricians ( 2013 March ) Defending Traditional Marriage Retrieved from https://www.acpeds.org/the-college-speaks/position-statements/parenting-issues/defending-traditional-marriage

3. Obergefell v Hodges (2015, April 28) Retrieved from https://www.supremecourt.gov/opinions/14pdf/14-556_3204.pdf

      When I was growing up, marriage was a vital and important part of life. My grandparents, parents, aunts, and uncles were all married and, as far as I knew, they were happily married. Whether or not that was true doesn’t matter, but it shows me they thought marriage was important enough to make it work. My parents were married over 67 years before my dad passed away. I have had great examples of marriage in my lifetime. 

      According to “The President’s Marriage Agenda,” Americans spend almost $50 billion each year on weddings, however, marriage is declining. Between 40 and 50 percent of first marriages end in divorce. In the United States today, more than half of the children born to women under the age of 30, are born outside of marriage. The number of unmarried, cohabitating couples have increased dramatically over the past decade. (The President’s Marriage Agenda, pp 1-6) 1

      Is marriage really important in today’s world or is it a concept that has gone by the wayside, like the old-fashioned girdle? Do we treat marriage the same way we treat a used paper towel, something that is disposable? Is cohabitation the new marriage? Do children really need to live with both biological parents to be a stable member of society? Let me address these questions to shed some light. 

      In The Family, A Proclamation to the World, the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints states, “Marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God and . . . the family is central to the Creator’s plan for the eternal destiny of His children.”2 This quote confirms in my mind that marriage is still important. It is God’s way to further His Plan of Happiness and we know that "God is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and in him there is no variableness neither shadow of changing." (Mormon 9:9)

       As stated previously, divorce is high. When almost half of first marriages end in divorce, we can see that it is the norm. We shouldn’t think of a first marriage as a starter marriage but as a binding relationship that needs to be nurtured. I know that there are circumstances that require a marriage to be severed in order to save the physical, emotional, spiritual, and/or mental health of a spouse. In April, 2007, President Dallin H. Oaks of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints gave a talk on divorce. He states, “All who have been through divorce know the pain and need the healing power and hope that comes from the Atonement.” President Oaks continues to speak to those who are still married and may be considering divorce. He states that with most marriage problems, divorce is not the answer, but repentance. He says that divorce is not an “all-purpose solution, and it often creates long-term heartache.” (Oaks, 2007)3 If couples work together to iron out their differences, and include God in their relationship, I believe many marriages could be saved. 

       I’ll touch briefly on the importance of marriage vs cohabitation. Paul R. Amato, a professor of sociology at Pennsylvania State University, did a study of the impact on the family and well-being of our children. He shows that “children growing up with two continuously married parents are less likely to experience a wide range of cognitive, emotional, and social problems, and are emotionally close to both parents and have a higher standard of living." (Amato, 2005)4 I know there are exceptions to every rule, but after reading his full study, and  observing first hand the benefits children have when living with both parents, I can honestly say, “I believe in marriage!”

References

1. “The State of Our Unions – Marriage in America 2012; Charlottesville, Va.; The National Marriage Project and Institute for American Values; Pages 1-6.

2. The Family, A Proclamation to the World, 1995, Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/topics/family-proclamation?lang=eng&old=trueLinks to an external site.

3. Divorce, Elder Dallin H. Oaks, (2007). Retrieved from https://www.lds.org/ensign/2007/05/divorce?lang=eng

4. Paul R. Amato; 2005; “The Impact of Family Formation Change in the Cognitive, Social, and Emotional Well-Being of the Next Generation;” Vol. 15.